Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
"Stupid" People (another quick one)
Fri, September 18, 2009 at 12:49pm
One or more members of my current household enjoy watching these "court" programs. (Insert cheap "Rain Man" joke here, if you must.)
I have to leave the room.
Not for the reason you make think, based on my attention grabbing subject line. You know how they say the things that bug you most about other people are often the things you like least about yourself?
Well...
I just wanna SMACK Judge Judy!
OK granted, she deals with difficult people on a regular basis They can also be clueless at times. That doesn't mean I EXCUSE the way she handles these people, but it helps me tried to UNDERSTAND it.
Then, a thought crossed my mind.
When faced with what may appear to you as a "stupid" person, if you belittle them, and condescend to them...etc., exactly what purpose does that serve?
Even if that person may happen to be "stupid," or perhaps even less intelligent than you, the chances are pretty good that they're just smart enough to be aware of that limitation. Your bringing it to their attention is most likely NOT helping the situation.
I believe it's called treating the other person with respect - a policy I've recently tried to adopt - which seems to be working out ok for me so far.
And re: Judge Judy, I know there are undoubtedly more people who enjoy her than who don't, and I have the option to change the station. :)
One or more members of my current household enjoy watching these "court" programs. (Insert cheap "Rain Man" joke here, if you must.)
I have to leave the room.
Not for the reason you make think, based on my attention grabbing subject line. You know how they say the things that bug you most about other people are often the things you like least about yourself?
Well...
I just wanna SMACK Judge Judy!
OK granted, she deals with difficult people on a regular basis They can also be clueless at times. That doesn't mean I EXCUSE the way she handles these people, but it helps me tried to UNDERSTAND it.
Then, a thought crossed my mind.
When faced with what may appear to you as a "stupid" person, if you belittle them, and condescend to them...etc., exactly what purpose does that serve?
Even if that person may happen to be "stupid," or perhaps even less intelligent than you, the chances are pretty good that they're just smart enough to be aware of that limitation. Your bringing it to their attention is most likely NOT helping the situation.
I believe it's called treating the other person with respect - a policy I've recently tried to adopt - which seems to be working out ok for me so far.
And re: Judge Judy, I know there are undoubtedly more people who enjoy her than who don't, and I have the option to change the station. :)
On The Road To Self-Acceptance (a quick one)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 10:13am
I know there are things about me that make some people uncomfortable. Coming to that realization has really helped me, because I am now able to separate those "quirky" aspects of my personality from the basic things that make someone a "good" or "bad" person.
I know I have a lot of really positive aspects that set me apart from other people. But, in addition to that (or BECAUSE of that, depending on your view) there are also things that may irritate some, even scare them away. Maybe my world view is too narrow, or I don't follow fashion, or I don't show enough emotion (Some even say I show too much), or I'm not into sports. Too "religious?" Not "religious" enough? Then there's the whole "depression" thing. Whatever.
Even if I find someone I have a lot in common with, and I would really like to pursue a friendship; regardless of what I think/how I feel about that person, if there's something about ME that's a "dealbreaker" for THEM, then we wouldn't make very good friends after all. (A hard lesson I've recently had to learn pertaining to a singer in a band I used to really enjoy being a part of.)
And it doesn't have to be the end of the world.
How liberating!
I know there are things about me that make some people uncomfortable. Coming to that realization has really helped me, because I am now able to separate those "quirky" aspects of my personality from the basic things that make someone a "good" or "bad" person.
I know I have a lot of really positive aspects that set me apart from other people. But, in addition to that (or BECAUSE of that, depending on your view) there are also things that may irritate some, even scare them away. Maybe my world view is too narrow, or I don't follow fashion, or I don't show enough emotion (Some even say I show too much), or I'm not into sports. Too "religious?" Not "religious" enough? Then there's the whole "depression" thing. Whatever.
Even if I find someone I have a lot in common with, and I would really like to pursue a friendship; regardless of what I think/how I feel about that person, if there's something about ME that's a "dealbreaker" for THEM, then we wouldn't make very good friends after all. (A hard lesson I've recently had to learn pertaining to a singer in a band I used to really enjoy being a part of.)
And it doesn't have to be the end of the world.
How liberating!
There is no such thing as "just this once."
Thursday, August 27, 2009 at 5:58pm
Some might choose to write this off as psychobabble. Well, maybe. But at least it's my psychobabble. It works for ME. I probably picked it up from some outside source along my journey, but it's part of me now. (There are still some who deem me incapable of original thought, and assume that any philosophy that I may "spew" must have been "fed" to me by someone looking out for their own interest. This is very observant of them, but fortunately is no longer the case - a VERY, VERY recent development.) Please, allow me to elaborate.
There is no such thing as "just this once." All I mean by that, is that I've found that it doesn't work for me to cut myself any slack, about anything. If I let myself get away with it, "just this once," it automatically turns into "well, since I already fell off the wagon, I might as well just stay off." It doesn't even have to be anything monumentally catastrophic. It can be as simple as, "I know I'm sick of lookin' at my own protruding gut, but I really feel like a pint of Haagen Dazs tonight. Just one won't be that big a deal." And before too long, I NEED a pint of Haagen Dazs before bed every night. Or, if I know it's wrong to litter and/or I don't like looking at it, there's no way I can justify littering "just this once" regardless of whatever degree of inconvenience is caused by having to carry around that little "whatever-it-is" until I happen to find a trash can. Same goes for keeping the house tidy (WHICH I SUCK AT!) If I let myself leave my jeans on the floor because the hamper is in the opposite direction of where I'm headed, before too long, I'll have to look forward to devoting some time to collecting up all the dirty clothes before I can put in a load of laundry. Carry that over to just about any situation you can think of. (I'll leave it up to your imagination.) If there's something I don't want to do and/or I know I shouldn't do, by giving myself permission to go against my own standard "just this once," I'm only making it difficult on myself to uphold that standard in the future.
I'm not saying I have to be a slave to it under any circumstances. It just helps me to know my own tendencies.
For those of you who may be thinking, "Well, that's just common sense! It's ALL common sense." Let me tell you, I've demonstrated some deficiency in "common sense" in the past, present, and possibly in the future (although I sincerely hope not.) So, just leave me to my "personal victory" celebration and go on about your own blameless lives. ;)
As you were.
---TWO! TWO! TWO NOTES IN ONE!!!---
A recent celebrity obituary has inspired me to try to work out what I'm going to say to my sons Isaac and Jason this weekend - when I see them for the first time since the beginning of April.
For those who don't know the back story (which may well be EVERYONE,) I've come to the point in my healing process where I desperately want to be a positive presence in my kids' lives. For a pretty significant period of time, I was unable to genuinely be that, and trying to fake it was beginning to destroy me. And so, I rationalized that until I could "get it together," a season of non-presence was better than a constant destructive presence that I was at a loss as to how to reverse. Whether or not that was the right decision remains to be seen, but I know now that I'm strong enough to start dealing with the aftermath, and am optimistic about eventual restoration.
However, I still need a little more time to get back on my feet, so I'm moving back in with my parents. I've made HUGE, SIGNIFICANT progress, but the fact remains that I'm still unemployed. So, moving back to California puts me closer to the kids geographically. Staying with my parents, in addition to the benefit of having the opportunity to work through some issues I ran away from about 20 years ago, will also help just a bit financially. I don't intend to freeload. However, if you're fortunate enough to have them in your life (providing that their presence is not harmful) your parents should be the first ones you ask for help when you need it, (NOT the last friend in your life who you have yet to alienate) and the first ones who agree to help you. Truth is, though, if I had decided back in February to move in with my parents instead of trekking all the way to Indiana, I WOULD have been freeloading - which would have made me feel even crappier about myself, and perpetuated the dysfunctional downward spiral. That is to an extent, what happened with my brother, and was in the process of happening with my best friend Jeff. Luckily, it ended up working out perfectly in spite of me, and was exactly what I needed. The friendship is even still intact, miracle of miracles!!
Now that we're all up to date, This aforementioned recently deceased person has undoubtedly endured more pain that I could ever lay claim to (or take the blame for.) And yet, he reported that he left this world with only one regret -- his failed marriage to his wife, Lenny, who died in 1997. The couple divorced in 1965 but remained close.
"I loved that marriage," he said. "Lenny was the love of my life. And yet I ruined it. I wasn't formed yet. The regret is that I hurt her."
I can DEFINITELY relate.
So, here's what I've got. Of course, it will be "on the fly," but it always helps me to organize my thoughts beforehand to make sure important things don't get left out. (Some people are annoyed by this imperfection of mine - saying I come across as contrived and manipulative - which is sad that they choose to look at it that way, but it is their own issue to deal with.)
Dear Isaac and Jason,
I am really looking forward to finally being able to hug you again and spend some time with you when I move back to California. After speaking with Isaac the other day, I know you want me to move back into the house, and I would like that too. But, for now, this is something that Mommy is not comfortable with. If and when the time comes for me to come back home, is up to your Mommy to decide.*
For almost a year now, Mommy has been protecting you because she didn't know for sure if she and you guys would be safe, so rather than take any chances, this is the way things had to be, for a while. I haven't done anything at any time, to anyone, that was dangerous or harmful (physically) but there are some things that have happened between Daddy and Mommy that may take some time to finish healing. So, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't be mad at Mommy. She's not to blame! She was just keeping you safe, from issues, thoughts and behaviors that Daddy was working through. It's all because of things that *I* did (or failed to do.)
I'm really, really sorry, and I'm better now, but please have some patience with Mommy, ok? She's really hurting, and could really use a few extra hugs and cuddles. I know you guys are really good at that!
I love you. and I'm glad I get to see you!
Love, Daddy
* = and if not, then I'm prepared for that, and I accept it. But it will have to be her choice. I created that consequence.
Some might choose to write this off as psychobabble. Well, maybe. But at least it's my psychobabble. It works for ME. I probably picked it up from some outside source along my journey, but it's part of me now. (There are still some who deem me incapable of original thought, and assume that any philosophy that I may "spew" must have been "fed" to me by someone looking out for their own interest. This is very observant of them, but fortunately is no longer the case - a VERY, VERY recent development.) Please, allow me to elaborate.
There is no such thing as "just this once." All I mean by that, is that I've found that it doesn't work for me to cut myself any slack, about anything. If I let myself get away with it, "just this once," it automatically turns into "well, since I already fell off the wagon, I might as well just stay off." It doesn't even have to be anything monumentally catastrophic. It can be as simple as, "I know I'm sick of lookin' at my own protruding gut, but I really feel like a pint of Haagen Dazs tonight. Just one won't be that big a deal." And before too long, I NEED a pint of Haagen Dazs before bed every night. Or, if I know it's wrong to litter and/or I don't like looking at it, there's no way I can justify littering "just this once" regardless of whatever degree of inconvenience is caused by having to carry around that little "whatever-it-is" until I happen to find a trash can. Same goes for keeping the house tidy (WHICH I SUCK AT!) If I let myself leave my jeans on the floor because the hamper is in the opposite direction of where I'm headed, before too long, I'll have to look forward to devoting some time to collecting up all the dirty clothes before I can put in a load of laundry. Carry that over to just about any situation you can think of. (I'll leave it up to your imagination.) If there's something I don't want to do and/or I know I shouldn't do, by giving myself permission to go against my own standard "just this once," I'm only making it difficult on myself to uphold that standard in the future.
I'm not saying I have to be a slave to it under any circumstances. It just helps me to know my own tendencies.
For those of you who may be thinking, "Well, that's just common sense! It's ALL common sense." Let me tell you, I've demonstrated some deficiency in "common sense" in the past, present, and possibly in the future (although I sincerely hope not.) So, just leave me to my "personal victory" celebration and go on about your own blameless lives. ;)
As you were.
---TWO! TWO! TWO NOTES IN ONE!!!---
A recent celebrity obituary has inspired me to try to work out what I'm going to say to my sons Isaac and Jason this weekend - when I see them for the first time since the beginning of April.
For those who don't know the back story (which may well be EVERYONE,) I've come to the point in my healing process where I desperately want to be a positive presence in my kids' lives. For a pretty significant period of time, I was unable to genuinely be that, and trying to fake it was beginning to destroy me. And so, I rationalized that until I could "get it together," a season of non-presence was better than a constant destructive presence that I was at a loss as to how to reverse. Whether or not that was the right decision remains to be seen, but I know now that I'm strong enough to start dealing with the aftermath, and am optimistic about eventual restoration.
However, I still need a little more time to get back on my feet, so I'm moving back in with my parents. I've made HUGE, SIGNIFICANT progress, but the fact remains that I'm still unemployed. So, moving back to California puts me closer to the kids geographically. Staying with my parents, in addition to the benefit of having the opportunity to work through some issues I ran away from about 20 years ago, will also help just a bit financially. I don't intend to freeload. However, if you're fortunate enough to have them in your life (providing that their presence is not harmful) your parents should be the first ones you ask for help when you need it, (NOT the last friend in your life who you have yet to alienate) and the first ones who agree to help you. Truth is, though, if I had decided back in February to move in with my parents instead of trekking all the way to Indiana, I WOULD have been freeloading - which would have made me feel even crappier about myself, and perpetuated the dysfunctional downward spiral. That is to an extent, what happened with my brother, and was in the process of happening with my best friend Jeff. Luckily, it ended up working out perfectly in spite of me, and was exactly what I needed. The friendship is even still intact, miracle of miracles!!
Now that we're all up to date, This aforementioned recently deceased person has undoubtedly endured more pain that I could ever lay claim to (or take the blame for.) And yet, he reported that he left this world with only one regret -- his failed marriage to his wife, Lenny, who died in 1997. The couple divorced in 1965 but remained close.
"I loved that marriage," he said. "Lenny was the love of my life. And yet I ruined it. I wasn't formed yet. The regret is that I hurt her."
I can DEFINITELY relate.
So, here's what I've got. Of course, it will be "on the fly," but it always helps me to organize my thoughts beforehand to make sure important things don't get left out. (Some people are annoyed by this imperfection of mine - saying I come across as contrived and manipulative - which is sad that they choose to look at it that way, but it is their own issue to deal with.)
Dear Isaac and Jason,
I am really looking forward to finally being able to hug you again and spend some time with you when I move back to California. After speaking with Isaac the other day, I know you want me to move back into the house, and I would like that too. But, for now, this is something that Mommy is not comfortable with. If and when the time comes for me to come back home, is up to your Mommy to decide.*
For almost a year now, Mommy has been protecting you because she didn't know for sure if she and you guys would be safe, so rather than take any chances, this is the way things had to be, for a while. I haven't done anything at any time, to anyone, that was dangerous or harmful (physically) but there are some things that have happened between Daddy and Mommy that may take some time to finish healing. So, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't be mad at Mommy. She's not to blame! She was just keeping you safe, from issues, thoughts and behaviors that Daddy was working through. It's all because of things that *I* did (or failed to do.)
I'm really, really sorry, and I'm better now, but please have some patience with Mommy, ok? She's really hurting, and could really use a few extra hugs and cuddles. I know you guys are really good at that!
I love you. and I'm glad I get to see you!
Love, Daddy
* = and if not, then I'm prepared for that, and I accept it. But it will have to be her choice. I created that consequence.
Son Of Epiphany
Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 8:49pm
I learned something about myself today. It may have a little to do with why I felt like I needed to take a break from Orange County for a while.
Shame has been a pretty common theme running through my life. I've internalized it from a pretty young age. It seemed there was always a reason for me to be ashamed of who I was, or the things that I thought made me "Me." And it was never anything that was actually bad enough to be ashamed about. Always the trivial things. My tastes in clothes, music, movies, personal appearance, etc. I would get disproportionately offended if somebody expressed distaste (let alone disdain) for something I really enjoyed. I took it to mean there was something wrong with me for being drawn to that particular "thing" - whatever it was. But a weird thing happened.
Strangely, I ended up gravitating toward people who shall we say "expressed strong views" about those types of things. They always had an opinion, and they always let it be known. "that band sucks...cankles...cigarette holder...you're a chubby chaser...trailer trash...how can you LIKE that movie?...her forehead's too high...her torso's too long..." and on and on. And for some strange reason, these were the people I tried the hardest to please. (Maybe I figured because they had such "high standards", that was something to aspire to.) I wanted to be accepted by these people, so I didn't speak out about it. Instead, I rationalized it by convincing myself that it wasn't my job to stand in judgment of anyone - which is true. We all have our own issues to deal with. But, silence implies agreement. In failing to stick up for others, I lost a great deal of character and integrity. And that was something to REALLY be ashamed of.
So, when I left Orange County, I was blaming it on the geographical area. (By then, I had gotten pretty damn good at redirecting blame.) But the main "bad thing" about Orange County is the way it made ME feel. The worse I felt about myself, the more bad decisions I made, which made me feel worse about myself, and the cycle continues. Before too long, I dug myself into such a deep hole, that I thought it was impossible to dig myself out. I just had to get away. Where nobody knew me. (Never mind that it's impossisible to escape one's self.)
I knew less than a handful of people in Indiana, and I knew they all loved me no matter what. Now mind you, they never hesitated to call me on it if I ever crossed the line, but that was exactly what I needed. I didn't need people "tiptoeing" around my feelings, and walking on eggshells around me because I was so "fragile." But at the same time, I didn't need to be around people who had me constantly second guessing myself. Not that there are all THAT MANY people who I have allowed to have that effect on me, but they were the ones whose opinions I held in highest regard, so that's what was devastating. I feel much better now focusing on the huge number of people out there who genuinely care about me. The sad part is, they are the ones who I've neglected the most, to include any and all blood relatives. But no more! Now I can return to California a stronger person because I have made the change.
The difference is, rather than trying to change to please a small, but loud minority, which is impossible, all the while I had the capability to figure out who I really am, and embrace that. There is more to me than merely the culmination of every mistake I ever made. It's ok for me to feel regret for my poor choices, yet still feel ok abut myself as a person. But that acceptance had to come from within, because my opinion is the one that matters most. To me. And feeling good about myself inspires me to do the right thing, which makes me feel better about myself. And THAT's the kinda cycle I want to perpetuate.
I learned something about myself today. It may have a little to do with why I felt like I needed to take a break from Orange County for a while.
Shame has been a pretty common theme running through my life. I've internalized it from a pretty young age. It seemed there was always a reason for me to be ashamed of who I was, or the things that I thought made me "Me." And it was never anything that was actually bad enough to be ashamed about. Always the trivial things. My tastes in clothes, music, movies, personal appearance, etc. I would get disproportionately offended if somebody expressed distaste (let alone disdain) for something I really enjoyed. I took it to mean there was something wrong with me for being drawn to that particular "thing" - whatever it was. But a weird thing happened.
Strangely, I ended up gravitating toward people who shall we say "expressed strong views" about those types of things. They always had an opinion, and they always let it be known. "that band sucks...cankles...cigarette holder...you're a chubby chaser...trailer trash...how can you LIKE that movie?...her forehead's too high...her torso's too long..." and on and on. And for some strange reason, these were the people I tried the hardest to please. (Maybe I figured because they had such "high standards", that was something to aspire to.) I wanted to be accepted by these people, so I didn't speak out about it. Instead, I rationalized it by convincing myself that it wasn't my job to stand in judgment of anyone - which is true. We all have our own issues to deal with. But, silence implies agreement. In failing to stick up for others, I lost a great deal of character and integrity. And that was something to REALLY be ashamed of.
So, when I left Orange County, I was blaming it on the geographical area. (By then, I had gotten pretty damn good at redirecting blame.) But the main "bad thing" about Orange County is the way it made ME feel. The worse I felt about myself, the more bad decisions I made, which made me feel worse about myself, and the cycle continues. Before too long, I dug myself into such a deep hole, that I thought it was impossible to dig myself out. I just had to get away. Where nobody knew me. (Never mind that it's impossisible to escape one's self.)
I knew less than a handful of people in Indiana, and I knew they all loved me no matter what. Now mind you, they never hesitated to call me on it if I ever crossed the line, but that was exactly what I needed. I didn't need people "tiptoeing" around my feelings, and walking on eggshells around me because I was so "fragile." But at the same time, I didn't need to be around people who had me constantly second guessing myself. Not that there are all THAT MANY people who I have allowed to have that effect on me, but they were the ones whose opinions I held in highest regard, so that's what was devastating. I feel much better now focusing on the huge number of people out there who genuinely care about me. The sad part is, they are the ones who I've neglected the most, to include any and all blood relatives. But no more! Now I can return to California a stronger person because I have made the change.
The difference is, rather than trying to change to please a small, but loud minority, which is impossible, all the while I had the capability to figure out who I really am, and embrace that. There is more to me than merely the culmination of every mistake I ever made. It's ok for me to feel regret for my poor choices, yet still feel ok abut myself as a person. But that acceptance had to come from within, because my opinion is the one that matters most. To me. And feeling good about myself inspires me to do the right thing, which makes me feel better about myself. And THAT's the kinda cycle I want to perpetuate.
Genius
Sunday, August 16, 2009 at 3:22pm
Ok. I've taken a teensy little bit of flak for being a little too prolific with regard to my Facebook posts over the past couple of days, so I was planning to take a break for a while, but after making this discovery, I couldn't possibly NOT share it.
There's this cool thing called Pandora, which is a website where you type in your favorite song, or artist, or whatever you happen to be in the mood for right at that moment. The database then returns a bunch of stuff that does a pretty decent job of replicating the general "vibe" of whatever you typed in.
The iTunes version of this is called "Genius." The difference is that it pulls the songs from YOUR OWN LIBRARY!
Best gift I ever could have possibly given myself. (Your mileage may vary.)
Here's what it pulled up for me today:
You Get What You Give- New Radicals
Deep Inside Of You- Third Eye Blind
I Don't Want To Wait- Paula Cole
Rockin' The Suburbs- Ben Folds
Move On- Jet
Punk Rock Princess- Something Corporate
Lover I Don't Have to Love- Bright Eyes
Pinch Me- Barenaked Ladies
Dancing In The Moonlight- King Harvest
Vienna- Billy Joel (live, from "12 Gardens")
Stop Crying Your Heart Out- Oasis
Gotta stay high- New Radicals
Roll To Me- Del Amitri
Secret- Maroon 5
Mmm-Bop- Hanson
Still Fighting It- Ben Folds
Lucky Man- The Verve
I'll Be There For You(Theme From Friends) - The Rembrandts
12:51:00 PM- The Strokes
December- Collective Soul
Two Princes- Spin Doctors
It's All Been Done- Barenaked Ladies
Hand In My Pocket- Alanis Morissette
Feeling This- Blink-182
I'm guessing the "logic" it used involved finding songs that sounds "retro" regardless of their release date, in which case I should be hearing "Rehab" any minute now...
Ok. I've taken a teensy little bit of flak for being a little too prolific with regard to my Facebook posts over the past couple of days, so I was planning to take a break for a while, but after making this discovery, I couldn't possibly NOT share it.
There's this cool thing called Pandora, which is a website where you type in your favorite song, or artist, or whatever you happen to be in the mood for right at that moment. The database then returns a bunch of stuff that does a pretty decent job of replicating the general "vibe" of whatever you typed in.
The iTunes version of this is called "Genius." The difference is that it pulls the songs from YOUR OWN LIBRARY!
Best gift I ever could have possibly given myself. (Your mileage may vary.)
Here's what it pulled up for me today:
You Get What You Give- New Radicals
Deep Inside Of You- Third Eye Blind
I Don't Want To Wait- Paula Cole
Rockin' The Suburbs- Ben Folds
Move On- Jet
Punk Rock Princess- Something Corporate
Lover I Don't Have to Love- Bright Eyes
Pinch Me- Barenaked Ladies
Dancing In The Moonlight- King Harvest
Vienna- Billy Joel (live, from "12 Gardens")
Stop Crying Your Heart Out- Oasis
Gotta stay high- New Radicals
Roll To Me- Del Amitri
Secret- Maroon 5
Mmm-Bop- Hanson
Still Fighting It- Ben Folds
Lucky Man- The Verve
I'll Be There For You(Theme From Friends) - The Rembrandts
12:51:00 PM- The Strokes
December- Collective Soul
Two Princes- Spin Doctors
It's All Been Done- Barenaked Ladies
Hand In My Pocket- Alanis Morissette
Feeling This- Blink-182
I'm guessing the "logic" it used involved finding songs that sounds "retro" regardless of their release date, in which case I should be hearing "Rehab" any minute now...
Fascinating Epiphany
Sunday, August 16, 2009 at 12:08pm
Most of my life, I have been pretty reserved and withdrawn. I was hesitant to really let anybody in (barring a very select few), preferring instead to remain "mysterious." I figured, if anybody really thought I was worth the effort, they would be "worthy" of me, because they cared enough about me to really try to find out who I am. Sounds arrogant, but actually it's rooted in the fear of not being accepted. Or maybe the fear of BEING accepted. Who knows. Anyway, some would say that by distancing myself, even to the point of pushing people away, I have "robbed" many people of the privilege of getting to know me. (One of you even intimated this to me when you signed my copy of our high school yearbook. You were SO nice about it, and I wish I had heeded your input at the time.) Regardless, I have never subscribed to this philosophy - often bewildered to hear that some people actually enjoy my company. (What was that line Groucho said about club membership? Google it.) At the same time, I have also been berated for "wearing my heart on my sleeve." I was advised that it demonstrates a lack of wisdom to reveal too much.* Even "advertise" it. (By definition, designed to generate revenue, right? How's that workin'?) To me, it makes sense that the "mistake" I make in giving away too many personal details thereby providing outsiders with "ammunition" is in actuality doing everybody a favor. Full disclosure. Honesty. There's a novel idea. How can I be honest with anybody when I've never been honest with myself?
I don't put anything out there to get people to like me, or to get people NOT to like me. I put it out there because it IS me. After that, it's out of my hands. Better that way.
On many occasions, I've considered axing this Facebook page, for a variety of reasons. (I realize it's up to me which of those reasons I choose to divulge, if any.) Bottom line is, there is a reason you are here. I appreciate each and every one of you. I've had people add me for what seemed to me to be for the express purpose of "keeping tabs" on me. Others patently ignore me, but refuse to de-friend me (must be a "nettiquette" thing) - more than one of which have lamented losing me as a Facebook friend, re-added me, and STILL ignore me - figure that one out.) Whatever the situation is, you are all precious to me.
And as a member of this elite group (removing tongue from cheek) the chances are extremely high that you would be unable to ascertain that fact based on my behavior, or lack thereof, towards you. Rest assured, you are not alone. And that is why I am telling this to you right now.
I CAN attribute this to the aforementioned character traits to which I alluded in the first line of this note. But what it really comes down to is my own personal responsibility. Just so you know, I am aware of this.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for allowing me to be your Facebook friend (at the moment, the only kind I know how to be. Baby steps.)
* = "It is better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."
Variously attributed to Lincoln, Elbert Hubbard, Mark Twain, Benjamin Franklin and Socrates
Most of my life, I have been pretty reserved and withdrawn. I was hesitant to really let anybody in (barring a very select few), preferring instead to remain "mysterious." I figured, if anybody really thought I was worth the effort, they would be "worthy" of me, because they cared enough about me to really try to find out who I am. Sounds arrogant, but actually it's rooted in the fear of not being accepted. Or maybe the fear of BEING accepted. Who knows. Anyway, some would say that by distancing myself, even to the point of pushing people away, I have "robbed" many people of the privilege of getting to know me. (One of you even intimated this to me when you signed my copy of our high school yearbook. You were SO nice about it, and I wish I had heeded your input at the time.) Regardless, I have never subscribed to this philosophy - often bewildered to hear that some people actually enjoy my company. (What was that line Groucho said about club membership? Google it.) At the same time, I have also been berated for "wearing my heart on my sleeve." I was advised that it demonstrates a lack of wisdom to reveal too much.* Even "advertise" it. (By definition, designed to generate revenue, right? How's that workin'?) To me, it makes sense that the "mistake" I make in giving away too many personal details thereby providing outsiders with "ammunition" is in actuality doing everybody a favor. Full disclosure. Honesty. There's a novel idea. How can I be honest with anybody when I've never been honest with myself?
I don't put anything out there to get people to like me, or to get people NOT to like me. I put it out there because it IS me. After that, it's out of my hands. Better that way.
On many occasions, I've considered axing this Facebook page, for a variety of reasons. (I realize it's up to me which of those reasons I choose to divulge, if any.) Bottom line is, there is a reason you are here. I appreciate each and every one of you. I've had people add me for what seemed to me to be for the express purpose of "keeping tabs" on me. Others patently ignore me, but refuse to de-friend me (must be a "nettiquette" thing) - more than one of which have lamented losing me as a Facebook friend, re-added me, and STILL ignore me - figure that one out.) Whatever the situation is, you are all precious to me.
And as a member of this elite group (removing tongue from cheek) the chances are extremely high that you would be unable to ascertain that fact based on my behavior, or lack thereof, towards you. Rest assured, you are not alone. And that is why I am telling this to you right now.
I CAN attribute this to the aforementioned character traits to which I alluded in the first line of this note. But what it really comes down to is my own personal responsibility. Just so you know, I am aware of this.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for allowing me to be your Facebook friend (at the moment, the only kind I know how to be. Baby steps.)
* = "It is better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."
Variously attributed to Lincoln, Elbert Hubbard, Mark Twain, Benjamin Franklin and Socrates
Funny story, kinda...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 5:14pm
Today, I was trying to text someone (I just sent a "test" message) and put in the wrong number. Here's the whole exchange:
Me: test
HS: Who is this?
Me: Oops! Was trying to dial someone else and punched in 84 instead of 07. Sorry!
HS: Oh thats alright...but who is this? jw [ed. note "just wondering"]
Me: Joey. Age 39. Musician, married, two kids. :)
HS: Oh haha ok
Me: How bout you?
HS: Im in highschool. I just thought u were a friend from school or something
Me: Kinda figured. I'll lose your number then. Go have fun!
HS: Alrighty you too.
Me: One last thing. While I have this rare opportunity, I'd like to share a few things I wish I'd known in high school.
1. Take your education seriously.
2. Your future can be determined by the choices you make today. There is no "time machine."
3. The odds are pretty good your parents really DO know what they're talking about. Listen.
HS: Thanks for the words of wisdom! I can assure you that I am a good kid. I do my best in school and my sport and ive always been close with my family. But ill always remember that advice. thanks
Me: I was hoping that was the case. Somebody's been doing some good parenting! I just didn't want to miss a chance to help someone - just in case. Take care!
So, there ya have it. What a nice kid!
Today, I was trying to text someone (I just sent a "test" message) and put in the wrong number. Here's the whole exchange:
Me: test
HS: Who is this?
Me: Oops! Was trying to dial someone else and punched in 84 instead of 07. Sorry!
HS: Oh thats alright...but who is this? jw [ed. note "just wondering"]
Me: Joey. Age 39. Musician, married, two kids. :)
HS: Oh haha ok
Me: How bout you?
HS: Im in highschool. I just thought u were a friend from school or something
Me: Kinda figured. I'll lose your number then. Go have fun!
HS: Alrighty you too.
Me: One last thing. While I have this rare opportunity, I'd like to share a few things I wish I'd known in high school.
1. Take your education seriously.
2. Your future can be determined by the choices you make today. There is no "time machine."
3. The odds are pretty good your parents really DO know what they're talking about. Listen.
HS: Thanks for the words of wisdom! I can assure you that I am a good kid. I do my best in school and my sport and ive always been close with my family. But ill always remember that advice. thanks
Me: I was hoping that was the case. Somebody's been doing some good parenting! I just didn't want to miss a chance to help someone - just in case. Take care!
So, there ya have it. What a nice kid!
Words To Live By
25 TIPS FOR A BETTER LIFE in 2009 - Author Unknown
- Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
- Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
- When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
- Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
- Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
- Try to make at least three people smile each day.
- Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
- Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
- Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
- Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
- Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
- You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
- Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
- Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
- No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
- Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
- Forgive everyone for everything.
- What other people think of you is none of your business.
- However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
- Your job won't take care of you when you are sick or dying. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.
- Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
- Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________.
Today I accomplished _________. - Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
- Love deeply, and forgive freely!
- Go placidly amid the noise and haste... (Had to throw that one in there!)
- and lastly -
I have no idea who deserves credit for this article. All I know is I'm a fan of "glurge."
I'm also a fan of other words, like:
zaftig
weltschmerz
borborygmi
pygophilist
etc.
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